Sometimes I wonder if the grass is greener ...
I enjoy my job. I do. It gives me great pleasure to see the penny drop when a child learns he or she can do something they couldn't before, to listen to their conversations and to share their joy in the little things in life. Teaching young children is all I ever wanted to do (from the day I started school and met my first teacher - she was amazing).
However, recently I have been overwhelmed by how much my life has been taken over by my work. I knew before I trained that it was never going to be a 9 to 5 job. It never has been and never will be. Somehow it appears to have taken over my whole existence. When I'm not working I'm thinking about all the work I have to do that I've not done, thinking about particular children and how I can help them, worrying about whether what I have done is good enough. I wake up in the night thinking and worry about all these things. I'm exhausted.
I have wondered whether to change careers, something I never thought I'd wonder.
I have wondered whether to ask if I can go down to part time work and job share but I worry this will not be well received by the management team (I'm not sure I'm exhausted counts as a good reason) and I also wonder whether doing so would make any difference or whether I'd just have more hours to worry.
So I have been wondering a lot recently.