New Business

My new venture of setting up my own business has well and truly begun. This is now month number 3.  Things are going very slowly and I'm trying hard to stay positive, it is still early days. Waiting for the phone to ring is very frustrating and I have a new found respect for Postmen after enountering some extremely vicious letter boxes when delivering fliers.  Fingers crossed business picks up soon.

Off I go!

I thoroughly enjoyed the training and have definitely begun to master the new skills.   So... this month I am launching my own mobile nail technician business. Scary and exciting at the same time.   So far so good.  Wish me luck!

Making a completely new start.

I'm making a completely new start. 

I have to admit, it's not something I expected to be doing when hurtling towards my mid thirties but nevertheless here I am.  I going to become a nail technician.  This has proved to be much more difficult than I originally thought, largely due to other people not doing what they said they would, not responding to phone calls or email queries and what I genuinely believe to be complete incompetence - something which does not inspire confidence in a place of further education.

I have sent off many emails through training salons' own website "contact us" buttons and have been ignored completely.
I have sent off online application forms as requested and not had any response.
I applied for an apprenticeship through BTFC.  I filled in their application form, including all my details and previous qualifications and sent if off.  They sent me an invitation to an apprenticeship selection day at the college.  I phoned them to confirm I'd be attending.  I went on the day ready to jump through whatever hoops I needed to.  I took their literacy and numeracy tests, met with learning support, waited around (a lot - not good planning on behalf of the college when largely your group is made up of teenagers who would rather be out in the sunshine anyway), sat through the talk about CV's, interview questions and supported the other members of the group in thinking of answers to their questions and sat through a talk by two lovely managers from a local water park who had come to tell us about what they were looking for at interview (this had been organised for us despite the fact that nobody in the group wanted to go into the leisure industry). They were lovely though and did their very best to be supportive, give application and interview tips and answer questions (some of which were really daft).  The last part of the day was to be interviewed by the person responsible for apprenticeships in our own area.  I was the last one to be interviewed (after much more sitting around and probably because I was the only one not complaining). This was the fifth person from the college with whom I'd come into contact and who had seen my application form. She took one look at it and said "Do you have a degree?"   "Yes," I replied.  "Then I'm really sorry, but you are not eligible for an apprenticeship."  Disheartened, upset, angry do not even begin to describe how I felt.  When I asked how I should proceed she said the only way I could do it was to come and do the full time health and beauty course starting in September. Not something I'd wanted to do and definitely not now I know that 4 out of 5 people who work at the college can't/don't bother to read their own forms.

By this point I had been unsuccessfully hunting down a nail technician qualification for 3 months.  I had had more than enough and was ready to surrender and just find a job. I decided to have one last try and went back online, searching for a course or a salon offering training.  I found a beauty academy offering pretty much exactly what I wanted but I didn't get too excited, this had happened before and come to absolutely nothing.  I decided to test the system.  Their "contact us" page claimed they would respond to my query within 48 hours.  I wasn't holding my breath, but I typed in my details and pressed send.  Within 24 hours they had phoned my back and in less than a 10 minute conversation I had booked all the day courses I needed and registered myself for a distance learning NVQ. 

After all that faffing with the college and all of the false starts I couldn't believe it was that simple and that quick.  A little faith has been restored.

So fingers crossed.  I start next month. Wish me luck.

Internet Dating

As part of my new start I have once again delved into internet dating sites.  I have done this before with very little luck.  This time however I sent a contact request and was pleasantly surprised to get a reply.  We chatted for a a while, he seemed very nice and he obviously thought I was too as very quickly I got a "how about a date?" message.  Hooray! I thought and said that would be nice.  We chatted again the following day and continued to get on well, finding mutual interests and common points of view. For the first time in a long time I was actually excited about the prospect of a date and meeting this man. 

Then the bombshell fell.  He sent me a test saying he wouldn't be able to meet me now because he and his ex had decided to get back together.  Turns out that their split was very recent (within a week) and they'd decided to give things another go.

Now to be fair, he did apologise for "messing me about" but if their split was that recent, why was he, for want of a better word,  advertising himself online already?    No harm done. I had invested little time.  But I was very disappointed.  So here is my small plea ...  if you are online, please make sure you are actually available and are not still attached to your ex.  This is very unfair to those of us who are actually seeking a relationship.

Starting Again

I resigned. I have decided not to teach for a while.  The trouble is ... what now?  I have ideas but things are not yet running smoothly in that direction. I need to find a job.  At the moment pretty much any job.

I never expected to be in my thirties and having to start again.

No escape

It finally happened.  Something had to give and it happened to be me.  I am currently signed off work with stress.

At the moment the thought of returning to work makes me want to hide and/or burst into tears.  If I think about work for too long it makes me feel physically shaky.  I have been told it could take up to 6 weeks for the anti-anxiety medication I have been prescribed to take full effect. I have done my best to make sure I don't just hide at home during this time and have I tried to go out somewhere almost every day.  The trouble is my job is following me around.

Yesterday I bumped into a lovely neighbour who, knowing I was off work, asked how I was and then asked "You will be going back though won't you?".  I also saw the parent of someone I went to school with.  She asked why I wasn't at work and was extremely sympathetic when I explained, but she also followed it with, "But you'll be going back after Christmas won't you?"  To both these people I said "Yes", but the truth is I have no idea.  At the moment I can't face it and I definitely can't go back to things as they were but I also now feel a little pressure to go back to work, this is obviously what people are expecting.

Today my bubbly friend came to pick me up and take me out for lunch for a girly chat and relax.  We went to a quiet pub near to my house and a long way away from where I work. It should have been lovely but it was neither lovely nor relaxing. Whilst there I was spotted by a parent of a child in my class who knows I am off sick but does not know why.  She did not speak to me or ask how I was but did send her partner round to the table my friend and I were at to look and see if it was me.  Within 10 minutes of her leaving I had a phone call from my Headteacher, checking in with me to see how I am and how I was spending my time.  I'd like to believe this is a coincidence but I know it isn't. I'm also certain that the rumour mill that I already know exists outside the classroom door at the beginning and end of the day will have been in overdrive this afternoon.

A big part of my problem is that my job has taken over my whole life and now, even when I am officially signed off work by my doctor, there is still no escape.  I'm very worried that all the parents will now think I'm skiving and I feel guilty for going out with my friend.  She was great and said that they need to understand that some illnesses you can't see and just because you're not in bed doesn't mean you're not ill.  I know she is right but I also know that the parents won't see it that way.

I made it

Well here I am at the end of term.  The school year is over and I made it.  My first year in a new year group is complete and I am still standing - just.

This year has been an enormous challenge and I am proud of myself for rising to it.  I have found this year extremely difficult, with everything being new and so much to learn both in my new curriculum and in strategies for working with older children.

I confess that there has not been a single minute of this year that I have felt on top of things and mostly I have been paddling furiously from one task to the next hoping to reach it before I went under.  I have made many many mistakes which hopefully I have learned from and next year will not make.  I have tried new strategies - some of which have been successful, some have not and some have worked some of the time but not always. I have learned lots about many topics but realise I have lots more still to learn.

I'm in the same year group again next year and I'm hoping it will be easier as at least I'll know where to begin and have some knowledge of what and how I should be teaching. 

I am completely exhausted.

But I made it!